Horoscopes
By Madame Sinkevicius
Gemini
(May 21 to June 20)
You approach life with youthful exhuberance and try everything at least once, whether it’s sniffing the strange blob of yuckiness at the dog park (okay, that you do on a regular basis) or befriending the yappy pup next door who’d rather bark than be courteous. Keep it up: living in the moment is Fido’s proverbial fountain of youth.
Cancer
(June 21 to July 22)
Your imagination is in overdrive but luckily you’ve got the whole summer to put your fantasies into play. If it’s heading out on the open road that occupies your daydreams, let your two-legged co-pilots know you can handle the ride with a demonstation of obedience. Or take the opposite tack: slide the doggles on and perform a calm yet unbudging sit-stay in the backseat. For those who have trouble following instruction, tenacity is not to be overlooked.
Leo
(July 23 to Aug 22)
Leo, your generosity can be astonishing. From sharing your kibble with the cat to bringing home neighbourhood strays for a sleepover, the dog days of summer are never dull with you around! Just make sure your enthusiasm doesn’t go overboard (like bringing home a mean case of fleas) and it’ll be smooth sailing
Virgo
(Aug 23 to Sept 22)
From performing tricks for treats to heeling on leash, your approach to a perfect bond with your human buddy is practical: good things come to good dogs. But while we love you for your diligence, dear Virgo, we realize being a perfectionist can get tiresome. Let your inner wild woof out to play once in a while.
Libra
(Sept 23 to Oct 22)
You desire peace most of all and your passive approach is certainly laudable. Every once in a while, though, it doesn’t hurt to take a stand on the little things (the new dog claiming your bed, for one). You may find your pack mates will be more receptive to following your lead on the path to enlightenment if you occassionally assert yourself.
Scorpio
(Oct 23 to Nov 21)
Determination is your middle name, and it’s time to put that quality to good use. But instead of your usual singular focus bordering on obsessive compulsion (chewing the couch to bits trying to nip one tiny loose thread), try directing your attention to a broader field. A dog is never too old to learn a new trick and you’ve got the right tools: desire and dog smarts. Show ‘em what you got---a M.B.A. perhaps?
Sagittarius
(Nov 22 to Dec 21)
Sometimes your easy-going attitude can come across as though you don’t care but this isn’t the case. Just because you enjoy a good joke doesn’t mean you can’t comprehend the seriousness in a situation—you just prefer to see the lighter side. Keep sending those positive vibes out into the universe, dear Sagittarius, and the karma will come back to you in spades (or treats, or cuddles…).
Capricorn
(Dec 22 to Jan 19)
Oh Capricorn, ambition isn’t necessarily a bad thing; just don’t go trampling all over the pooches that have given you a paw-up on the way to the top of the pack! Grace is a virtue and being curteous will get you a lot further in the long run—take a hint from a certain hare
Aquarius
(Jan 20 to Feb 18)
Your humanitarian efforts aren’t lost on the powers that be. Squatting until your squire picks up the poop and picketing for dog park equality have really boosted your reputation with the masses and it’s this popular vote that’ll garner the extra-credit you’re after!
Pisces
(Feb 19 to March 20)
Pisces, you’d rather follow than lead, but this approach doesn’t put your selflessness on display for the dog-of-your-eye. We’ll let you in on a little secret: your would-be beau prefers a pooch that’s not only compassionate, but willing to be a charitable canine. Carry a torch for a cause while you burn one for her and love might blossom.
Aries
(March 21 to Apr 19)
Simply dynamic or daredevil dog? You paw a fine line, dear Aries, and it could catch up to you one day. Dial down the impulse gratification and maybe even your personality; a cool canine attracts more playmates than a loose canon!
Taurus
(Apr 20 to May 20)
You seek security in life: a good home, the pleasure of knowing exactly when and where your next meal is coming from, and constant companions. It’s the little things you treasure and in the big picture, that’s all that really matters when it comes to happiness.