Ask Dog Lady

Bothered and bewildered? Crazed and confused?

Nisreen, you ask one of the cosmic questions about the canine culture. Dog Lady has studied this fussy phenomenon over thousands of hours spent walking with darling, so you might think there would be an easy answer. Unfortunately, only dogs truly understand the piddling details.
For Wilma, the elaborate lavatory procedure is a ritual of identity. Imagine she uses her output the way a graffiti artist uses a spray paint can—to mark up the earth with messages such as: “Wilma, a five-year-old spayed female who last ate canned lamb and chopped carrots, was here.” Dogs want to get a leg up to put down their scent. They announce themselves and seek to cover up another dog’s smell. It’s a very precise process, a mystery only their noses know.
Our dogs can drive us crazy while they deliberate about where to send the pee-mail. They sniff up and down or go in circles, ensuring their output will hit whatever benchmark they’ve assigned. Bear with them.

Dear Dog Lady,
True story. My girlfriend moved in with me a few months ago. However, she is growing sad (not with me) because my building does not allow dogs. We have an incredible apartment. I don’t want to move, but I don’t want her to be unhappy. Help me out here.
— Michael, New York, NY

Michael, for some people, living in a dogless building is godless. Pets provide warmth. A condo community or apartment association that bans animals can seem like a colder, more self-absorbed place. The frosty habitat must be getting to your girlfriend.
On a brighter note, Dog Lady, ever the busybody, presumes the two of you are living large. Maxi-pads in dogless housing can be tres chi-chi because residents have nothing else to do but carp about keeping up appearances.
Dog Lady knows of a ritzy condominium that bans dogs. Big warning signs are posted. If a dog even ventures onto the grass outside the building, a frazzled person leans out a window and screams for the dog and the human leash-holder to scram. Considering all the problems in the world today, this pet-as-pest policy seems excessive.
Hug your girlfriend. Tell her you understand and really mean it. Promise her, for the short-term, you will be her happy hound. Don’t do anything precipitous, such as offer to move right away from your luxe digs. You don’t want to resent her because she seems to be a keeper. You’re still getting to know one another. And you’ve learned an important lesson: your lady likes living with animals—both hairy and furry.